Déjà vu.

That’s what it feels like- this moment and space I’m in. I distinctly remember feeling this way when I was a little girl: so confident and sure of my destiny. It was almost as though I was born knowing who I was and where I was going in life. My feet never touched the ground despite the daily reminders that it was not my place to dream. As I contemplate just how far I have come, I can’t help but shiver with amazement at how favoured my journey has been and still is. I have made it this far because I do not walk alone. I have made it this far because the Great God walks with me.

Nothing has been easy. I had lost my way for such a long time. As I grew older, I moved away from the sureness of purpose that surrounded my childhood like a cloak. It was never intentional but I suppose as part of the law of degeneration, I became a victim of adult thinking which is full of doubt and unbelief. I started searching for something that was already inside of me. I started looking for myself…when I was right there. I experienced what every adult experiences at some point – a sense of burden and aimlessness about life.

When each one of us was little, I’m sure there must have been plenty of times when our fathers lifted us up and threw us in the air. But instead of crying out in fear, we giggled with delight and happiness. We trusted that he would never let us fall; that he would catch us…every single time. But somehow, along the way to adulthood, we are told that this kind of trust is unreal and stupid. And so we are told to come out of our foolish childhood dreaming and be real adults in this big bad world. We are told to grow up. And the sad thing is, we believe it. And so we lose that ability to spread our wings and fly fearlessly. We lose our way and in so doing we lose ourselves. We become sceptical and critical, mistrusting everyone and selfish. Making a living becomes our main occupation in life and everything that does not aid this goal is sacrificed. They call this entire process adulthood. It is on eof the saddest processes of life. Isn’t it any wonder that we spend the rest of our lives looking for ourselves?

Whether in the East, West, North or South and no matter what colour you are, life without the right reason to be living it is futile and vain. This is a spiritual law that has no respect for what you believe as an individual. It is sure and true.

I have been embraced by grace because now I understand that sometimes God entrusts us with a roadmap when we are yet still babes. And the responsibility is to grasp this tremendous gift before the folly and façade of adulthood takes precedence. Used wisely, the dreams of childhood hold the key to introducing ourselves to ourselves.

When I was a little girl I dreamed of empires and revolutions. And now I see that I am being taken to the place where it all began….I am being taken to the end. My roadmap has remained intact all these years. It was I who deviated. But in this moment I feel blessed and highly favoured. It is as if I can see the blueprint of my life spread out before me. What God is doing with me is incredibly awesome and with my roadmap in hand, I’m sorry to say that I WILL conquer the world.

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