In this place…
I love the fact that I can constantly hear the busy traffic on High Street Road – night and day.
I love the white butterflies that always keep me company when I sit in the garden – they never fail me.
I love the chicken soup that Mutti Annelie made on Monday – hot and tasty; and warming both soul and stomach.
I love the way I am unsure about my future and yet sure at the same time.
I love the way I have been to hell and back.
I love the way I have been broken in this place.
I love the person I am becoming in this place.
I had no idea that day I got onto the plane to go home a few weeks ago had set into motion the challenging future I am now living through. Everything appears to be going awry and I have been feeling as though my very essence is being questioned, challenged and tested. I dare say that I have been failing. It’s as though the thing that I stood on for support has been swiftly swept away from under my feet.
All the events that have been happening have been chipping away at me. And now, to top it all off, here I stand, homeless and baseless…with no place to call my very own, at least for the moment. My things all packed up in boxes, and sometimes I’m not quite sure if I’m coming or going.
But something amazing happens when God takes away our ability to control things or events. We feel wobbly and unsteady and that’s exactly where the beauty begins. We are forced to re-think our perspectives. We are forced to a place where we are compelled to trust…implicitly and unconditionally.
I find myself pondering the idea of security, safety and surety, in this place. Material things – cars, homes, businesses and unfortunately even immaterial life itself can be swept away in an instant just as happened in Queensland, Christchurch and now in Japan. Where is the security?
I have been feeling homeless even though God has provided a roof over my head and shelter with a wonderful and loving family that has been kind enough to keep me in this my time of uncertainty. Yes, I want this time to pass quickly so I can see past this mountain standing in my path. But just because I can’t see past the mountain doesn’t mean there is nothing beyond it. This is why I keep walking even though just putting one foot in front of the other is taking every ounce of my concentration.
I am not sure about so many things in my life right now but the one thing I am one hundred percent sure of is that; just as the eagle watches over her young, God is watching over me. Hovering, guarding, protecting. I am in His gaze. My Safe Haven.
I love the way I feel safe…in this place.