Evolution

Change is inevitable.

Sometimes it comes quietly and slowly, and other times it is fast and un-mistakable. Regardless of how it comes, when it is done and dusted, what it leaves behind is a different composition altogether. Whenever change blows through, things and people are usually never the same again.

Years ago, my tenth grade math teacher had the boldness to state in a recommendation letter that I don’t easily adapt to change. There was nothing recommending about that and I remember being extremely mad at him for including that in the letter. But now, looking back, I can’t really blame him for my own relationship with this inevitable phenomenon. He just picked up on something that I would never have been willing to admit to myself.

Change is scary. At least in my mind it is.

And unfortunately, my personality does not lend itself to accommodating it. I’m a very structured person. I like being organised and working through my thoughts, feelings and emotions in a systematic way. I function optimally in order. I’m not very flexible or spontaneous – qualities that I absolutely admire in those who possess them.

I work with lists, mind maps and plans.

However, despite being very structured, I’m surprisingly not a logical or practical person. Instead, I work from and with my emotions, which I have been fighting to order and structure all my life. Recently, I had an ahaa moment; I realised that I’ve actually been fighting a losing battle. In a sense, you cannot order and structure emotions. By nature, they embody chaos itself.

My need for structure often compels me to feel frazzled whenever things don’t align within that structure which admittedly only exists in my head. Sometimes this can feel like a prison.

Thankfully, I am coming to a new understanding of myself in relation to life and change.

It’s beautiful and disconcerting.

I will have to let go of certain parts of myself in order to make room for flexibility and change. And to do this, I have to accept some fundamental truths that I have been fighting;

Number one: Change is inevitable. It cannot be avoided. It cannot be bargained with. It’s part of growth. It’s part of life. It is life itself.

Number two: Sometimes change will be chaotic. Especially any change that involves any sort of emotion. Chaos is not all bad. If embraced in the right way, it can be liberating and enlightening.

Number three: Instead of seeing myself as set and structured in my ways and personality, I should realise that I am an evolving being. I am evolving each day and I should embrace this evolution to find new ways of living and thriving. This is beautiful. This is what change is all about.

Because I have become aware of these truths, I now see hope in areas of my life where despair previously reigned. I see opportunity to become wholesome and complete.

I hope you can learn through me and my experience.

Don’t make change your enemy. Life was never meant to be a strait jacket, so learn to be flexible and malleable. Take time to notice and understand how you are fitting into your own life.

Remember, change is inevitable and so be prepared by embracing this reality.

Don’t fight.

Evolve.

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