So love is beginning to make sense to me.
And no, the heavens didn’t open up and I didn’t hear a choir singing.
My love revelation came as mundane as they come – through a routine conversation with a beautiful friend. We were simply catching up and exchanging stories about our hearts and thoughts. She shared with me something she had recently read and this is what it said:
“Be the love you want to find”
It doesn’t take much to inspire me and so naturally, in a second, those words took me on an other-worldly journey. I started telling my friend that I thought I was already this love I wanted to find but before I could finish my sentence, something in me compelled me to stop and really think about what I was about to say.
The depth and immensity of that statement suddenly dawned on me. I had to ask myself;
“What kind of love do I want to find?”
I am a hopeless romantic, so much so that I consider myself a lost cause.
I grew up with day dreams of a knight in shining armour riding long and hard through the dark forest to come and rescue me. And I, being a beautiful maiden locked up in the dungeon of the evil queen’s tower. Yeah. Typical girlhood fantasies 🙂
But I must confess that even as a woman, I still hold on to this foolish dream that my knight will come. The only difference is; he will be the real thing with a real heart that can feel and bleed.
The thing with romance though, especially the ridiculous kind that is inculcated in us through books, movies and Hollywood is that, frankly, it isn’t real. And the main reason it isn’t real is because it is confused for love.
And love is perhaps only two percent romance. The rest of it is made up of something entirely different. And that something has a lot to do with the connection between the heart and the mind. What makes it confounding is that your heart and mind not only have to connect with each other but with another person’s heart and mind as well.
This is complicated but it is not impossible.
I think a lot of us expect love to be perfect. But love, as long as it involves human beings, will never be perfect. This does not mean it cannot be beautiful. It just means that you have to work for that beauty.
Love cannot be scripted or planned but it can be nurtured and grown and guided. It is not magical. It can become magical.
So, what kind of love do I want?
i) a love that is real
I want to share my life with a living, breathing man and not one that exists in my head. This means this man will be imperfect. But so will I. He will have a past with baggage. And so will I. A love that is real is willing to face and work through the fears, doubts, differences, insecurities and hurts that come with relationships. I want to fumble my way through love with this man and grow in the process. I want a love that is grounded in reality and that means it will have an allowance and the capacity to house the coexistence of two very different souls, minds and hearts. I want a love that is raw and dirty because that’s what real means to me.
ii) a love that is honest
To me, there is nothing more beautiful than being able to bare your heart and soul to the one you love; to speak your truth and be heard; to not hold back despite the doubts and insecurities. The love I want is comfortable in being uncomfortable when words have to be spoken and feelings expressed. The love I want is willing and okay with being genuine and forthright.
iii) a love that is vulnerable
Without vulnerability there can be no love. We are taught to be scared of letting people see our soul and the needs imprinted on it. We are taught not only to keep those needs to ourselves but to fill them ourselves as well. No one should know about them. This is so ingrained in us that when someone shows us their need, we tend to recoil and say, “oh no, I can’t…don’t show me that!” I want a love that is not afraid to be afraid. I want a man who will stand there, terrified as he may be, as I show him my heart with all its emotions spilling out. I want a man who is willing to learn to be comfortable with a woman’s heart in his hands; a man who wants to explore and discover me as I explore and discover him. A man who will be brave enough to show me his fear and scars and let me love him anyway.
iv) a love that rides on shooting stars
I want a love that is drunk with passion; the kind that makes you forget to breathe as it explodes in your chest and; the kind of love that rides on shooting stars and ricochets throughout the entire universe. Intoxicating; beguiling; mesmerizing; and magical because it has grown and found its own rhythm, the rhythm only I and my lover can create.
Will I find this crazy and over the top kind of love?
I don’t know…but I will become it.
And maybe in the process I will attract what I become.
I will be real, honest, vulnerable and passionate. I am trading the fantasy for the real thing. Yes, I will still dream of my knight but I will dream with my heart and mind and not just my heart.
Love doesn’t always just happen.
It takes work, patience, divine favour and lots and lots of soul work. It’s not something you fall into. It is something you grow into. It is something you become.
My dream for you is that you will become the love you want to find and have in your life.
I know I insanely want to.