Feeling your heart beat again

heartbeat again

It would seem we all need constant reminders about how special life is. It’s so easy to get drowned in everything that is wrong in the world and with our own lives that each day becomes more like a wrestling match. We wrestle with ourselves, our attitudes, our jobs and even our loved ones.

And in all the drama of trying to survive yet another day, we forget to notice that our heart continues to beat within us…keeping us alive, steadfastly so.

We forget to say thank you that we are alive.

I’ve travelled much of the United States in the last 4 weeks and I’ve experienced every emotion imaginable from pure, gushing hurt to indescribable, enveloping peace. I’ve watched my life unfold before my own eyes and I’ve seen it through other people’s eyes. I’ve gone down memory lane and traced the trail that brought me to this moment. I’ve cried tears of awe that there is a favour that has been laid upon my life from the day I was born. God didn’t have to choose me but He did. That knowledge alone brings me to my knees.

So, here I am…in San Francisco; in this city that I’ve read so much about and heard so much about since I was a little girl. Like all the cities I’ve visited, it used to be a mere dot on the map…but now, I’m here. I cry because I’m touched in a way that makes my heart beat like it’s never beat before.

Before I left Melbourne, my heart was broken.

Today, my heart is beating. Sometimes quietly and other times furiously, but all the time, invigorating and assuring.

Something has changed and I know that I can never go back to being the same again. I couldn’t have asked for anything better.

I read somewhere this week that “it turns out when you unlock your dreams and dare your heart to open, our soul isn’t a maze of rooms that we can compartmentalize.”

The things in our heart have a way of entangling with each other. And rightly so because I don’t think it was intended that we open up parts of our heart and keep others shut. This is why often when we find ourselves going through something, old wounds and old memories come rising up.

But the beauty is – that is how healing is achieved. You walk your heart through the paces one entangled step at a time.

I used to think being an adult….and being a woman meant I had all the answers and that I didn’t feel scared and insecure. My trip has taught me that is not the case.

Being a woman is a process – sometimes I will not have the answers and sometimes I will feel insecure and scared. This should not define or master me. I should be working to rise above these things.

So because I didn’t understand how this stuff worked, I was waiting for myself to miraculously change into a woman…waiting to feel like a woman.  But now I realise that I AM, one.

A woman whose heart beats with a rhythm that tells the story of how far she has travelled; a woman whose dreams graze every corner of her being; and a woman who is growing into being the best woman she could ever be.

I’m grateful to be alive, and for the answers that God pours into my lap, always at the right time.

May your heart know how grateful you are that it beats for you.

 

 

 

 

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