If our heart had its way with us, it would – ninety-nine percent of the time – probably find a nice little hole to crawl in and hide. It is the most vulnerable and delicate part of our being and so as much as we can, we try to camouflage it…to protect ourselves from disappointment, hurt and heartbreak.
Nothing hurts like a broken heart. And when it mends, its natural instinct is to be wary of people…because let’s face it, people tend to hurt other people. Sometimes its intentional, other times not. But a lot of the times, the hurt is born out of the absence of care, communication and understanding. We know these things are important; we know they are critical to connecting with others but we walk around with a shield fearful of falling into the abyss of pain and hurt at the hands of another.
After all, not caring about anything is way easier than caring about something. It’s safer and safe is what we want.
I had the fortune of stumbling upon my own fear. It had nested somewhere in my heart, confined and hinged in a place I wouldn’t normally look. When we met I was brought to my knees in complete dread and exhaustion. I was immobilised and I found myself thinking, ‘isn’t this the point of fear? To drink all of one’s logic, energy and passion until it leaves one depleted enough to choose to do nothing?’
It would seem we are conditioned to fear. When we allow it, it can run through our veins as natural as blood. We tend to only go to places where others have gone before. We think the same thoughts others have thought, keenly aware of keeping to the traditions. And we do the same things everybody else does. We are often afraid to be just us and hence, we mould ourselves against whatever standard is considered the norm. And thus begins the tragedy of our lives.
Fear keeps us in check, making sure we are thinking, talking and walking like everybody else.
As I keeled over, overwhelmed by my own fear, I was saved by a severe determination surging up from within to drive out the fear from my heart. I no longer wished it to be an occupant of my house. The mission was born and I knew it would be a lifetime commitment.
I am on a mission to become fearless.
I turned my head inside-out trying to figure out what that means or how I’m going to achieve it. The only answer I found is so simple, it’s almost ridiculous;
The only way to become fearless is to STOP being afraid.
Anxiety, tremblings and flatterings rooted in fear are to be traded in for faith, trust and calm.
The world is so big – big enough to hold each one of us in our own space and element. There is enough uniqueness to go around; we just need to learn to share properly. There should be no fear of scarcity or competition.
We are not in the world to prove ourselves to anyone. We are here to live fully. And living fully means not being controlled by the fear of coming undone and or being found out. What we hide about ourselves comes out eventually anyway so we save ourselves from shame if we are honest about who and what we are in the first place.
It means the possibility of getting our heart broken again and again but building our soul through the healing process.
It means loving with everything we’ve got even when the people we love choose to leave our love out on the street. It means having important relationships – raw, honest and real.
It means being poured out like a drink in service to others without sacrificing our needs and desires.
It means taking risks with our minds, hearts and souls without being foolish. It means not holding back, not giving in, not giving up and not compromising…if we don’t have to.
Living fully is being fearless because it’s living a life that is true to oneself and not the life others expect of one.
The heart allowed the loving care and space to wander on its path of discovery and growth, unfettered by fear would burst at the seams in abundance – this is fearless. And for me, it begins now.