Just another boy

Just another face

There are 6 billion people on the planet. The earth is teeming & full. But somehow that fact turns into useless mist when you fall in love with one of them. Everybody else becomes a faceless face & a nameless name.

Your sights are imprisoned by one.

The one that sets you alight. That boy.

That boy who makes you lower your eyes because you can’t meet the sheer force & beauty of his…shy…yes; that boy who makes your heart gallop like a horse taking your breath along with it; that boy who inspires butterflies to ricochet in your belly – turning you inside-out; that boy who smells like heaven – ‘envelop me, please’ you cry;  that boy who speaks & you’re floored – lush & golden, his voice cascades down your spine; that boy who makes you lose your step in the hallway as you pass each other.

It all started like a dream. Of sugar & spice. Of untold fairy tales.

Girl meets boy. Girl falls flat in two seconds because let’s be honest, she has been in love with him from the moment he crash landed into her conscious.

He talks & she drinks him in every word, every syllable & every inflection. So, so sweet to her ears & her starving soul.

He implies things. She takes them as promises.

He is the one! He is the one! The little bursts of exquisiteness he evokes in her bewitch her into total belief. Surely they can’t be wrong.

But they are. & she is blind to it. Partly because she makes excuses for him – his indecision, his not showing up for her & for every promise uttered by his honey-sweet lips. She initiates. He responds but only to take &take. He leads her on, drawing her close but yet so far from him.

‘I can make him realise that I am the exception’ she reasons. ‘I can change how he feels.’

By the time she looks up, she is halfway across the ocean. & there is no one else. Except her & the darkness. She had it all wrong.

The pain she feels is unearthly. Like the tearing of flesh off her bones…her heart douched in poison. She is a foetus on the floor trembling from the fire that consumes her from within. Nobody had ever told her just how painful a broken heart could be.

And when she shares the brokenness, everybody tells her to move on, to get over it, to toughen up – because everybody goes through that. It’s part of life. Nobody has time to whine about broken hearts in the world or to take them seriously.

And so she stores away the pain & hides it behind broken smiles & a façade of strength. But every day when she closes the door of her room shutting the world out, the pain erupts & makes her heart go into cardiac arrest. She cries until she has no breath left in her. Alone & dejected, she falls asleep every night desperate for healing & release from the pain. Day after day after night after night until one day something begins to rise from the ashes…something begins to rise from the ruins of her soul

Some lessons can only be learned through experience. Some lessons cannot be learned when things are great. So, sometimes, brokenness is needed to drive the wisdom into the heart. Like a wedge. The hope is in the beauty that can follow heartbreak if & when healing comes.

And the girl soon realises that something has shifted – twisted her back into alignment with her purpose. She still hungers for a man & the love he can offer & the one she wants to lavish on him but she realises that it is not the kind of starvation that will kill her. & so she learns to sit with the wanting, to find joy in the waiting.

& then one day she wakes up & as she crosses that boy in the hallway, her heart misses a beat. His wonderful smell envelops her & fills her nostrils. She shakes her head gently,

‘yes but no’ she whispers to herself.

Her heart settles back into place. & she watches the delicious scent of him un-hug her & disappear into oblivion. She glances at the boy & suddenly sees him for what he is – just another boy.

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