When Superman isn’t coming

Superman_insignia

I don’t swear. But sometimes I swear I think I’m superwoman. flying high up in the sky with my red cape unashamedly blowing in the wind. everything is outlined below me. every nook & cranny of the earth. I see every terrain & footprint in the sand. I can see the way from up here. detailed & complete. I can hear the cries from up here – my own intermingled with others. So, I can swoop down & snatch them from danger. hold them close as I deliver them to safety, my heartbeat meeting theirs across the armour that is my costume. I am invincible in the most powerful & imperfect way.

I got this. I’ve done this before. It’s in the bag. It’s done. I got this.

Then sometimes, I come crashing down. & no one is there to catch me. not even superman. I fall from the sky.

My cape is lost in the turbulence of falling so I hit the ground. with a force that shakes the world. my insides quake. fear & shock consume me. But…but…I thought I got this…

I rouse myself from the shock. my skin is broken. my heart is bruised. Where was superman when I needed him?

I can see my cape. If only I can reach it. I raise my trembling, weak hand & stretch my timid fingers. If I can just reach for it, my strength will return to me. But the people I sometimes imagine I save are stepping on it. Wait a minute. Give it back people. That is is only thing I have to offer you. the onlly thing I have to love you with. Give it back.

But they can’t hear me. They are oblivious to me. My cape has become the carpet beneath their feet as they chink their wine glasses & throw their heads back in some secret pleasure.

My ribs are piled on top of each other. they hurt. they hurt so badly. I need superman. But he doesn’t come.

I rest my head back onto the bare ground & breathe in the dust. This moment, this mess is now & even if I close my eyes & pretend it is not happening, I will still be lying here in the desert with no one coming to save me.

I finally see a sacredness to the moment – to the knowing that I need this mess. This mess cleanses me. This mess perfects me in the spaces I am not.

So, what do you do when superman isn’t coming?

1. Pray

hard. deep. like a maniac if you must. Even superman has a boss & this is the only way you can get to Him.

2. Be okay with not being okay

life is not a bed of super-hot & awesome red roses. Sometimes the thorns come out & sting. Hard. & that’s okay. travel fully in the discomfort. Listen to what the pain is saying. Pay attention.

3. Hold dear

your now & present. Hold it closely. See where you are – here. Gray skies today means just that. Don’t get tomorrow involved. Don’t stain it with today’s gloom. Tomorrow will be better. So hold dear.

4. Do something

A good friend once said to me, it’s easier to be sad & depressed because those states don’t require any action. Hope & positivity, on the other hand, demand that you put your hand to the plow. Stopping yourself from wallowing takes action. Do. serve. write. invent. create. bake. Anything to empower you as you navigate through the tough, unhappy patches. do something. do love. start there.

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