Sometimes I forget that I am betrothed to a king. As breathtaking as that fact is, it escapes my reality on a daily basis.
See, I’m knee deep immersed in digging the trenches of the everyday – the waking up, the organising of a life & lives, the making of a living, the maintaining & repairing of relationships, the fending off negativity & brokenness, the growing up & maturing, the casting down strongholds & the fighting off failure, fear & faithlessness in a world that abounds in them. A day’s work noticed will leave you amazed at how much assault there can be on your mind, your heart & your soul. & yes, some of it comes right from within ourselves. Have you noticed that?
Sometimes, I get home with my overalls all muddied & soiled. Evidence that I have worked, yes, but the frown that eloquently forms across my face lets me know that I have forgotten. yet again. It’s easy to forget that I am betrothed to a king.
I sit on the edge of my bed & clasp my hands as though they are the only friend I’ve got; the only friend willing to clasp me in return. I feel their rough exhaustion.
I don’t know what it’s like to walk down the aisle, I think. I close my eyes & imagine. Behind the darkness of my eyelids, all I see is white. Beautiful, soul-clutching white as far as the eye can see. Except for my tiny, bare, brown feet that peek beneath the stunning white that covers my form. white roses in my hair. my imperfect hands perfect.
I don’t know what it’s like to walk down the aisle but I imagine it must feel like ecstasy. & frightening. & everything in-between.
I’ve watched my mother’s wedding photos since I was 5. They were housed in an album with a red, velvet cover. Oh, how I loved to caress that cover. It felt beautiful to my small hands. To me, it bespoke of the texture of marriage & the exquisiteness of weddings. & Mom, a delightful bride; the white sitting on her coffee brown skin like they were meant to be.
& that delightful bride grew into a delightful wife & into a delightful mother whose heart I hold in this crevice of my chest where my own heart sits.
God-willing, I, too, will one day be a delightful bride, who will grow into a delightful wife. & maybe even a delightful mother. I, too, will be a vision of white.
But even in these earthly raptures of visions, somehow I forget that I am betrothed to a king. Who holds me now as He unclasps my hands. to intertwine His fingers with mine.
I know you’re tired. You had a long day. You work so hard. Leave it outside now.
& let Me love you. Like the queen you are. Like the bride you are. My vision of white.
I know what it’s like to walk down that kind of aisle. I do it every day. & every day I find myself looking into His face, grateful that I am significant to my beloved.
Oh, yeah, did I mention? I’m betrothed to a king.