The instruction came loud & clear. Chilling to the very bone & unravelling me in marvellous ways.
I had prayed after all.
For openness of mind to see all the nooks & places I could apply my spiritual & vocational gifts; for the expansion of vision to see the things that had been beyond my sight.
I never expected a reprimand. I expected an answer that did not involve facing my fears & conquering them.
Have you ever been in that place where you boil to break free & yet you treasure the four walls that imprison you?
This is the place where fear drives us to; the place where fear builds lavish castles for us – that fear of failure, fear of success, fear of what others might say or think about us & what we do, fear of our own inadequacies. & this fear when it is full blown & grown muzzles us & leads us into an even darker place – the place where we are afraid to live because it’s all too much. & so we tip-toe around not willing to upset the orderly prison our fear has created around us. It stops mattering that we are unhappy. What matters is that we are safe.
The illusion of safety that fear can produce is potent. It convinces us that reaching out beyond our four walls or going the extra mile is actually unnecessary & quite dangerous for ourselves, our faith & our loved ones. & so we hold back in the name of safety & security.
Yes, there is no denying that the world is a crazy, crazy place in bred with thorns that can pierce to the very death. But that is never a reason to hide ourselves. Because the world despite its heart-breaking brokenness is still home to some wonderful things that need protecting & preserving. & if we are busy hiding away, what hope is there?
Stop tip-toeing. Stop it.
You are not called to save the world. No human can do that. But the calling that sits on your head & my head involves planting our feet firmly on the ground & dancing with life. It involves doing the dirty, beautiful work of going deep within ourselves & facing the stuff that lives there. The good & the bad.
I thought my day of reckoning would never come. I thought I could get away with making excuses about why I couldn’t unfold in all my glory. I thought it was forbidden to be so much. I found myself slowly & unconsciously slipping into a state where I was picking up my heels & quietly treading along, not wanting to be seen while at the same time secretly wishing I could be seen. It was a dichotomy. I was leading a double life.
Fear can do that to you.
How could I live a full life when I was afraid to untie my bow & let myself be whole? How could I when I wouldn’t give my voice – my beautiful voice – permission to carry in its own right?
I had to face these questions for myself. But that is the gorgeousness of life – you get the chance to get better & beautiful at being you.
You & I still have to be careful about throwing pearls to swine. But being careful doesn’t mean tip-toeing or playing it safe. It means getting our hands dirty with wisdom.
You have a dream to realise, a goal to reach & work to be done. & your life is all of these things. Get into it. Lose yourself in it. Breathe it in & let the bliss begin with the peace that comes from knowing that life can be lived wholly & fully.
So stop tip-toeing. Stop it.