How is it that hurt arrives, fully dressed onto our front porches and into our homes?

How is it that we invite hurt in and then delicately and sometimes violently serve it to our friends, lovers, neighbours and strangers? That our bowels fill with tears we cannot cry and words that cannot be spoken?

How is it that the human heart is good at shielding away every thing that would make us admit that we have been failing at loving well and fully? That our only crime has been that we have not been loving hard?

Relationships are simple. Truly. On paper they move from A to B and to C effortlessly. We imagine ourselves as pros, strong and capable. We can do relationships like warriors.

But after walking into the arena we soon find out that not everything that is simple is easy.

Relationships take us on a journey. A journey that is unravelling even as it is edifying. But no matter how far we go or how wide our every limb is spread out, we must always come back home, beat brow and all, we must always come home to the truth: relationships are about love. Without love there is nothing lovely.

We must all set down our burdens and look at each other. To look closely to see where loveliness has died and bring it back to life.

Relationships should be the space where loveliness lives – the very love child of love herself.

I string together a wish, for you and for me, that the hurt will stop, between friends, lovers, neighbours, and strangers…because hurt is the opposite of lovely.

My wish is that we will become breathless for loveliness; to want it so bad we become fierce for it, for our relationships.


**I am taking a break from long posts so I can re-group, concentrate on other writing and finish my dissertation** xoxo

The power in our hands


We should take a moment. And be silent. For the beginning of a new year. For the gratitude we must be feeling. For the chance to be alive, still. And for the power we have.

The power to love.

The power to give.

And this other power that has me sitting up in my chair and paying attention;

The power to break other people’s hearts.

Yes. It is as dramatic as it sounds. And it is as true as it is dramatic.

We walk into relationships all the time. This should never be a blind walk. Our eyes should be wide open. Our ears perched up. Our hearts naked and soft. Ready, steady, go.

I think we forget.

We forget that we are having relationships with other people. Real people. Not machines, not aliens. People just like us. Who at the core of them want the very same we do; to be loved, and to belong.

Society doesn’t seem to help us with this. The air waves are saturated with messages of love as personal gratification; looking after one’s own heart; making sure you hold back something for yourself. There is some wisdom in this, sure. But believe me it’s only a tiny bit. It is so tiny it wouldn’t even save a small city.

We have turned love into something that only works for us. And the moment it fails in this self-serving mission, it ceases to be love. We have turned love into armour that protects our heart, and from our vantage point, leaving the other person’s heart exposed.

But love is…love is…

Love Is.

It is not armour.

That we can hide behind. Love by nature is open. Unfettered. And without fear. Love is careful in the holding of another heart. It cares about the other heart in the relationship. The moment you choose to love is the moment you become custodian of another person’s heart.

There is responsibility in this. There is. No matter how many times the world tries to convince us that we are only responsible for ourselves. As good as that sounds it doesn’t actually work like that on the ground.

I am because you are.

We are interconnected in a way we will never fully understand. But we have to try. So we can get it right this time round.

Responsibility is power.

Just notice. Notice how relationships fizzle and crinkle when there is no care. No nourishment. No attention. No love. Notice. Notice the long-lasting pain when a heart is broken.

This is not about having perfect relationships that have no hurt or pain. No, no, no. that is unrealistic.

This is about you and I facing the fact that the moment we decide to love someone else, anybody else other than ourselves – friend, family, lover, and child – we receive the power to break their hearts. Anytime.

Let that sink in for a minute.

No, this is not about perfection. This is about having real relationships that recognise the choices we have to make within them; that honour the power invested in each of us to safeguard, protect, love and learn to love each other’s hearts.

You are not dispensable.

I am not dispensable.

People are not dispensable.

This is why love is important. This is why this matters.

And the day we carve that onto our skins. And onto our hearts. Is the day we move a step closer to being properly human.