Moments of clarity


The ocean.

there is the place where my soul is completely made open. transparent like a crystal glass. unhinged from all that suffers it. all the freckles fall away and that crystal glass becomes my only mirror.

There is something about the chilly sea air. feeling it on my skin & breathing it deep down into my lungs; being massaged by the earth as I feel each grain of sand beneath my feet; seagulls eloquently hovering over the tides, sending forth their powerful song way off into the deep unknown of the ocean beyond; watching the waves as they beat upon the shore, over and over and over again, never failing, always there.

I love it. I crave it.

I have sat on the warm shores of the Indian Ocean on the eastern cape of South Africa & I have been chilled to the bone on the cold shores of the Atlantic on the western cape. The two Oceans have different temperaments. like two women, each unique yet born from the same womb, with the same cause. the same power and force.

There’s always wave after wave after wave. But there is also that breathtaking moment before a wave pulls back into the sea & the next one bows down; that moment when you see the clear, white sand, the rocks & the sea shells that wash ashore. There is clarity in that moment.

Sometimes the waves bring a pain that seems to last forever & you wonder where your breathtaking moment is – that moment of calm before another wave crashes in.

It’s no lie. I’ve never appreciated the quiet moments of my life. I never understood what they were all about. I reasoned life should be large & deep like the ocean; soaring & lofty like the seagulls that fly above it. I was convinced. I should be writing books & selling them, changing lives, building a company, feeding hungry children across the globe, running  educational programs for women & girls, giving hope, loving people’s faces off…I should have been. I was convinced.

I craved to be deep & meaningful, like the ocean.

& yet I’m here, in this moment…everything so quiet, so steady.

I have travelled this road before. I know the smells & sights. & I know the way my feet curve into the ground to greet the path. I have been here before – my moment of clarity – with the blinding light pouring into every nook & crane of my house chasing away the darkness that had made me its own abode.

Sometimes you stumble into the very darkness you so eloquently see in others. Those are the times I need the ocean. to bathe in its salty water & when I arise, I am a goddess ready to be loved to the deep bone of me. even senselessly so.

These moments are priceless. for in the world we live in, clarity is expensive. The kind of expensive that eludes even the rich & famous. The kind of expensive that is uncomfortable.

But to know the steps you have taken & the ones you are yet to take is worth every penny in the world. To look beyond broken dreams & dream new ones has no figure on the stock exchange.

You can only build when your weather is good. When you can see & trace the margins of your form & path in the crystal mirror. This is what these moments are for.

& sometimes the clarity is in waiting for the clarity.

There is only one thing clear about the ocean & that is that its essence & ways of being are past finding out. & yet it is the one place where peace & stillness is served up to you on platters of carved shells. The ocean’s deepness is its beauty.

May your moments come, falling all over you like a lover who knows how you need to be loved. & may your clarity be deep & steadfast…like the ocean.